Beginnings are funny things.

Here goes nothing!… I’m making a new start at getting back in shape, eating healthy and taking care of my body after about 12 months of varying levels of mistreatment.   I’ve paid lip-service to staying/getting back in shape for 9 months or so, but I never really got back on the horse, and I think I know why.  Details are after the break.Summer 2009 I was where I wanted to be, running 30-50 miles a week, 175 lbs, lifting regularly and seemingly feeling better about myself and my body then I ever had before, I was tracking calories in vs calories out in order to make sure I was getting enough food to fuel my running, but it wasn’t a hassle, I was physically healthy for the first time since I was 7 or 8 when I first started getting overweight.  Little did I know that emotionally I was not very healthy and could easily be knocked off the rails.

What I didn’t realize is that I was in a horrendously co-dependent relationship that was (thankfully) crumbling and finally fell apart at the end of that summer. Although the end of that relationship was a good thing for both parties involved looking back at it, it certainly didn’t feel that way at the time.  I’d lost my self  in the plate tectonics of this co-dependent relationship, subducting my sense of worth below the continental shelf of the way this other person viewed me. When we parted ways, I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I fell back on old habits: eating my feelings, and everything else that was edible.

I realized I was in a funk in January 2010 or so and rebuilt Geb, but in the interim I’d gained back between 15 and 25 lbs of my fat.  I was still fairly healthy in the low to mid 190s,  just not as healthy as I had been, and I was fine with that because I was now fine with myself.  I loved (and still do) myself for my weird dorky sense of humor, my love of acting, and my wonderful friends.  I was ready to suck the marrow out of life and so I did.

Everything would’ve been dandy if I’d stayed in the 185-195 range, but as life got busy thanks to my new, more confident nature I got complacent.  I made excuses not to monitor calories in, to skip runs/workouts rather than owning the fact I have issues with food.  That ends today.  210 lbs is a line I should have never been near again, let alone crossed, but I have crossed it and 211 I don’t think I want to get all the way back down to 175,  I look almost sickly in the pictures from that weight, but I want to be 180-185 and I want to stay there and the only way I’m going to achieve it is through hard work. I’ve created this new blog: Aspiration, Inspiration, Respiration, Perspiration! specifically to record that hard work and have a record of it to look at when I need some inspiration.  If others are inspired by it then so be it, but I am doing it for me. It’s not something I need to do for anyone but me. I’ve got a wonderful girlfriend, friends and family that love me exactly how I am, and I love me exactly how I am, but I like to challenge my body with long distance running, I’d love to try a Triathlon, and I can’t do those things if I don’t get in better shape.  So here we go… later this week THE PLAN!

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One response to “Beginnings are funny things.

  1. I want you to love yourself as much as I love you! xoxo

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